You’re weak.
I’m weak.
The difference is that I have the balls to admit it and you just won’t give in. I will continue to get results, yet you will continue to settle for mediocrity and make excuses as to why you haven’t succeeded.
Well, it’s not too late - we can help. Here are three ways to embrace your weaknesses and get results…come take a look…
I want to first applaud you. (Applauding) Nice job! You went to the gym and you worked out today. You are making strides toward building the body you want and making a healthier YOU!
Ok. Are we off the air yet?
Perfect.
Now let’s discuss what the hell actually went on in the gym today. Your body wouldn’t have known the difference between that workout and dislodging the fork you stuck in the garbage disposal. It is time for you to understand the second half of going to the gym – which is kickin’ ass. It’s not as muchwhat you do, but rather how you do it. Hundreds of people are going to the gym everyday and leaving feeling as though they’ve “accomplished something”. I don’t want to take that away from them, but maybe I can help them decipher the difference between an incredible workout and a waste of time.
Here are some telltale signs of a crappy workout and some suggestions on how to change it for the better…
If you think being locked up inside my apartment this weekend threw me off my fitness game—think again.
Though many of you may have been looking for excuses not to workout or eat right because of the hurricane, there are the meatheads of the world that found it an opportune time to think outside the box.
Mother Nature reared her ugly this weekend on the East Coast in form of a hurricane-her name was Irene. Though I wasn’t able to watch my Sunday’s best HBO television–I now know what the Amish folk go through on a daily basis—minus churning my own butter, wearing those strange top hats or…ok, so it was nothing like what they go through–I lost electricity. (No offense to Amish people, though it wouldn’t matter anyway because you wouldn’t have the means to read this article anyhow).
Some of you may or may not have been equipped, but with these 5 tips, next time a hurricane and/or other natural disaster tries to rear up the coast—you will be ready.
Without further adieu, here are FIVE Ways a Meathead Prepares for a Hurricane…
Crazy.
I know—maybe, just maybe, I am.
Or am I?
You’re reading the title of this post right now thinking, “No way Gino–the reason I go on vacation is to rip it up and tear through every shred of shitty grease-laden, alcohol filled food and/or beverage in sight. I will not be tied down to the ‘Laws of Healthy Lifestyle—not on my effing vacation!”
Are you done William Wallace? Good. now step down for a second and lend me your ear (cue ‘Wonder Years’ theme music now)…
In fact, you want them so bad that you imagine yourself in epic situations like a scene straight out of some 80s movie where a gorgeous babe is sucking a shot of tequila out of your belly button while all your buddies on the football team cheer you on…
Stonewash jeans are awesome.
Life is awesome.
Abs…are awesome.
Well my friends, if there is a supporter of such a situation, it’s this guy. I want to help get you there.
And here’s how…
As those who follow my website know, I often like to write about people, places or things that are badass and how it could possibly pertain to fitness.
Well, I find it extremely necessary to point out the obvious act of badassness that has recently occurred—Osama Bin Laden being f*$% ing sniped out and America getting a small, symbolic taste of justice.
How is this at all relevant to fitness?
Chances are…
No wait, the FACT of the matter is that the most badass, elite, physical specimens known as the Seal Team Six (ST6) were the ones chosen to take him and his crew of terrorists down.
Navy Seals, and other military forces alike, are put through an immense amount of physical and mental training to prepare them for the most painstakingly, intense situations that require peak conditioning far beyond what the norm would call “in shape.”
Expert Trainer Tony Gentilcore is 'Pro Kale.'
If you don’t know Tony Gentilcore yet, then I will except all of your “Thank Yous” in advance, because I am about to spin kick you in the face with one of the most knowledgable trainers this side of the Green Monster.
Tony Gentilcore is a CSCS that knows a shitload about moving lead, getting healthy and becoming jacked. His years “in the trenches” at one of the most pretigious sports training facilities in the country, Cressey Performance, has ensured that all of his methods are time tested and muscle approved.
He’s been published in Men’s Health, T-Nation and a boatload of other credible fitness publications that only people who actually know things about fitness and nutrition can be published in.
Put it this way…he has more credibility with a barbell than Martha Stewart with a glue gun. Shit, he might even bedazzle a workout plan if you ask him to…
Meet Chad Howse--badass dude with some badass perspectives
Throughout the past year of having my site up and running I have run into some very cool people in the fitness industry.
And I have learned that as big as it may seem as a whole, the community within is quite small.
To put it bluntly–if you’re a dick, put out ludacris information or try to run your company as a straight up business where MONEY is the sole purpose—well, you’re going to get exposed.
On the other hand, there are many fitness enthusiasts who are more than willing to help you out–isn’t that what training and teaching is all about anyway?
Without further adieu, I bring you Chad Howse. Chad, like myself, understands the balanace of nutrition, living life to the fullest and building a badass body.
-MA
Meet Chad Howse…
"I love playing Guitar Hero shirtless!!!"
You have seen them on stage owning the crowd, shredding the guitar and whaling the drums…all while wearing skin tight leather pants and a six pack that could grate cheese.
Rockstars Baby!
Now, I doubt they get that lean look from “traditional” dieting…but let’s say they did. And let’s say, for the sake of this article, that they could afford few extra pounds of lean muscle mass.
How would they do it?
Well, I hit the trenches and did some research on how to get that lean rockstar look that drives chicks wild…
It’s easy! With just a few tweaks to your current health habits, I can turn you into Iggy Pop…minus the uncanny ability put on a concert that will melt your face off.
No Sleep
Being a rockstar means late nights and early mornings, so if you need your beauty sleep maybe this ain’t for you. With little rest and long days and nights of being awesome, rest isn’t easy to come across. Supplement with ZMA. It is known for its anabolic effects on fitness enthusiasts of the highest level. It promotes a deep restful sleep (even on little sleep), which is an ideal environment for muscle to recover and build. So rock on you stallion of the night!
Workout In the Morning
You’ve got a busy day of writing lyrics, laying by the pool and threatening to break up the band if Johnny (the drummer) doesn’t get his shit together. This only leaves the morning to get your workout in. It is important to make sure these workouts are full body circuits with little or no rest in between exercises with tons of yelling and pointing to give it a live concert feel…Ok, maybe no yelling and pointing. You got to keep in mind that putting on a show means a nonstop set list of mind-blowing tunes…with no breathers. This means your workouts need to mimc this. Show one sign of weakness to the crowd and you might as well cancel your tour or start opening for John Mayer.
Drink Up
As a rockstar, you should only be consuming three types of liquids: water, green tea and, of course Jack Daniels (2 drink limit).
Water will do everything from keep you hydrated to a shuttle and absorb nutrients into your body and flush toxins out.
Green tea is a natural fat burner as well as powerful antioxidant that can clear free radicals in your system. No…not that kind of radical…dude. It can act as a cleanser.
Green tea...TONS of green tea...
*Jack Daniels is a staple in every rockstars routine. Even if you don’t drink, just fill the bottle with Crystal Light iced tea and make believe you are drinking it.
*Limit to two drinks. Alcohol isn’t fat burner friendly, but a couple here and there can be enjoyed if you so desire.
Protein
I understand what is appealing about the rockstar look…but a little more muscle mass never hurt anyone. If you’re going to do this, you’ll need an adequate amount of protein. Being that you’re probably doing a cross-country tour, you should always have some protein shakes on the ready and lean meats backstage. When you get good enough (and don’t have to drive your Mom’s Volkswagon) a kick ass tour bus is a must. You know…with a kitchen, fridge and a midget. No real reason for that, but they are definitely cool to have around for tossing purposes. Groupies, that can cook and prepare meals backstage are also a plus.
By taking in all this protein, your muscles will recover faster, your hair will look healthier (no REAL rockstar doesn’t have sweet hair) and it will help fend off diseases…which is probably the most critical for a rockstar. You know…in case you catch the cold (I guess that’s what it’s called these days) from one of the groupies.
Fiber Up and Carb Down
That lean shredded look that every lead singer has is quintessential. You will need to taper your carbs down, but be sure to displace those calories with fat for energy. Too many carbs will lead to water retention, which isn’t optimal for the rocker look. On the other hand, too little carbs will leave you passed out before you get a chance to come back for the encore. (What a waste of lighter fluid.) Being able to balance this is super important. Lastly, throw some fiber (i.e. veggies) in your diet to keep digestion steady and metabolism running efficiently.
***
So there you have it…a handful of ways to get that rockstar body.
Keep them in mind next time you get a gig at the VFW…or just want to wear your stonewash jeans from high school with no shirt.
How do get your rockstar body? Got any tips of your own? Put them in the comments below!
